Gradual blossoming of self

 I have many bad habits that I need to knock off from my everyday living.. for instance, being habituated to being sad, clueless about my life, passive angry at people in the environment, absorbing environmental emotional vibes, irregularities, highs and lows from environment and so on have been some of my habits that made me who I am..I didn't know back then that they were so self limiting as I just lived them unconsciously so much that any sense of clarity in thinking had to be stressed upon in order to meet the challenges from situations, whatever that be, and after addressing them, it came back to square one.

Like I had the skills to work out of my way to facilitate things for others but when it came to making things happen in my life, I was my own worst enemy and my mind kept coming in the way of manifesting things I desired by being so enmeshed in my habits which were not for my highest good in any form or shape. 

Mind makes the habits and habits control the mind, and when not aligned with self control and understanding one's power of choices and exercising self discipline in becoming proactive and working towards self improvement, then it's a path towards ignorance, stuck thinking, and sick mind and sick body as well, which is apparent in my case. 

I have lived enough in self inflicted misery that to aspire to live a long, healthy, active life seems like a fantasy that I am not realistically attracted to...I feel sad for me that I had let myself go so much that undoing all the damage in this one lifetime could well be my goal for the next remaining years of my life..

Grieving is allowed, some self pity too, but to see this in better light is something I am working on. To straighten myself out as my life unfolds with divine grace and guidance from Lord Muruga by my side, which has been a constant presence no matter how ignorant I might have been to it, but the more I realize my darkness, the more I am walking towards self redemption and staying with the light. And this change in my life has been a huge blessing and a blossoming of self, all thanks to Lord Muruga and to my willingness too!