Gratitude and tears are all that well up in me for Muruga for creating circumstances in such a way that helps make me stay close to Him. The ultimate win for me is to be washed over by Muruga's grace and which does happen whether I am in the thick of situations or otherwise, it's as if no matter what I get as expected or what I fail at, what I am or who I am is all inconsequential, because all that matters is He is who He is - He won't stop at His lessons, His wisdom, His kindness, and His grace and a limitless state of joy and love which is what I believe He is. He is beautiful for encompassing all this supreme energy that manifests in what He wills for each of His follower which is intertwined with one's karma and freewill and also one's clarity of choice to believe that things happen and that there can be a higher good beyond one's expectations.
Why is the higher good such a hard truth to accept? Why is the higher good given to us at the right time when it's needed whether we realize that or not, and our egos come in the way for processing our lessons respectively in the way that's designed for us, and hence becomes our block, our bad luck and so on for lack of better understanding.
We feel so attached to our lives and feel that our lives owe us everything we need and want, but this life is given to us to work on it consistently be it through our desires, our goals, our relationships, our body, our intentions for oneself and for humanity and so on, so that we learn to let go expectations that life has to work in our favour owing to what we might have gone through.
Let's face it - we are going to die maybe sooner than later and to take ourselves so seriously whether our breakups, our disappointments, our depression and so on that become a mini world within this huge inexplicable world above us and around us that we live in and don't have a clue about is like trying to absorb everything through our minds and making our problems seem bigger than the grandness of the planet and wanting the huge universe to validate our feelings, our lack of self expression, our limited self beliefs and so on which is totally absurd. The universe is doing its work as much as we need to do ours.
Forgiving ourselves for the lack of knowledge of our emotions, how to process them, how to regulate them, how to be at peace with them, how to takeaway lessons from them are few of the problem gaps that seem to widen with ignorance and time and harden into beliefs which make seeing the good for us harder. Life is not against us and it's for us to make do the best that we can to navigate through the tides of life.
When we are not with ourselves, then everything seems to fall apart in our world. And for being in coherence with who we are, we need to stop shrinking ourselves or modifying ourselves to who we are not, and detach a bit from all the self absorbedness of our limiting mind.
Mind is just a repository for our repetitive thoughts and beliefs and a mere reflection of what we have poured our thoughts about ourselves and our influencing environment into. It cannot discern the truth for us so that we can come clear from one situation to another. Unless we stop to introduce some mindful tools that sharpen the clarity and our process of relating and detaching as necessary from situations, and it's only then that these stop gaps will help us appreciate the flow of our lives and to open up to see the reality of a bigger world that we are part of and to be thankful for.
Muruga Perumaan has been the road not taken at times and the only way to go forward as He showed the way in some other times. He is the Master Mind and hence mindfulness personified for me as it's better to be absorbed by thoughts and chants and prayers for Muruga than be obsessively thinking about the past and what better I could have done or how much I haven't, and keep going round and round in circles - this circle is a dead end for me and an energy draining whirlpool. Spirituality with mindfulness is the balance and not excess of one at the cost of another.
I can't expect Muruga to bring clarity in a self fulfilling prophecy of a mind and pattern that I have gotten habituated to, but undoing such energy draining thinking habits and replacing with truth, self acceptance and healing unresolved emotions to whatever extent possible from the heart, from the soul is is such a peaceful thing to do. Doing that by talking about it with people you can trust or therapists you can go to, or meditation retreats you can opt for, or simply whatever it takes to get yourself together, brokenness, heartaches, regrets, fears, anger, tears and all, is all we have got. And it need not be buried within our chests after our passing - it's not a treasure but just trauma and drama that needs a way out to set ourselves free.
I choose peace over power. I choose acceptance over criticism. I choose truth over ego. With Muruga Peruman's Grace, these changes have come about in me and I am grateful for that. I don't wish to go to my grave heavy hearted or clouded or regretful that I didn't realize that as long as we are here and alive, it's about letting go gracefully the craving for life and its endless cycles of sufferings and happiness and again hardships and so on. How well you live is learning how well you can let go as this life, this body, this living experience is all fleeting - we know it all too well deep down but choose to see what we only want to see and expect life to unfold that way.
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