I guess my parents (My mother is a single parent and we lived with her brothers and their families together in a joint family) agreed to disagree on more situations and were bound by their meanness, ego, control freakiness, bitterness, anger and so on than being kind and forgiving to each other - they lived ousting love and understanding out the window as if love was just a namesake emotion that they had to put up with in order to continue to remain disagreeing with each other and that too staying together in a joint family...talk about being so disconnected with family values and just being hypocrites and leading us into believing as children that we are safe and secure in such an environment?!
We kids (now we are in our prime forties and mid fifties, myself and my cousins included in this age group) have moved away from each other and are not as dishonest as our parents and more no-nonsensical in processing how much we can give and maybe expect from one another in whatever stuff that matters and are better self equipped to hand ourselves than living off each other and staying toxically enmeshed and blaming and manipulating each other while staying together under one roof however long that was.
I think the purpose of evolving here is to outgrow such a family and learn to move away from such toxicity in order to embrace the real deal in us - I guess families do teach a thing or two and that for us is to be better people than what they were. In all honesty they did what they could for our good but what's really for our betterment lies in our awareness and the choices we make in moving on and how we choose to do so while keeping the gratitude for doing what they could for us. I mean it's like a rite of passage going from one messy, confused, dark, twisted spot and coming out the other end kind of self forgiving for staying angry at them for so long, staying so stuck to all the compulsive mind programming that we thought was so right but then learning to unlearn them one day at a time. It's where we come from and also what we do with it that matters. Because we are in fact as individuals responsible for our respective behaviours and though the reason behind being who we are the way we are comes from our past, but how open and less closed we have become to welcome knowing ourselves as individuals and being less burdened by emotional and mental dysfunctionalities from the past at home is a start.
I can't speak for my cousins in saying what I said above but I feel that this is the purpose of a family - to be oneself despite whatever the family might have been - it's not that the family was right or wrong but how good and meaningful a relationship I have with myself is all the truth that I can express without justifying anything from the past for who I am or how I am today.
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