Over protected exhaustion

 I am sick and tired of being told that others have it worse and that we are in a much better space because there's only space for just me singularly in my life and any shift in my perspectives in my mind is my responsibility and until then gearing this statement that others have it worse feels like people wish to cut short their listening of our problems and give a generic blanket statement for their lack of time and empathy. 

In truth we are all equals as we are given a human life and no matter what be our sex, time on earth, religion, beliefs, goals and so on, we are here as souls in a human body and try and make do with what's given to us to our best knowledge and awareness and respond to life given to us to the best as we can.

Since we expect that our struggles should matter and that by comparing with others and sometimes devaluing their problems and putting ourselves up as the perfect martyrs, perfect victims and turning all obsessive, moody, judgy, cynical, critical and so on, we just buy ourselves the "gift" of staying immune to real growth which lies in acceptance of your problems as much as of others in equal spirit and not putting oneself down and minimizing one's struggles just to go along with the perfect martyr or victim, one way or another.

So, the projections don't work and neither does hiding oneself in shadows.

You owe yourself the right to hear your problems, your pain, your sadness out and give it all the space and processing and healing that it needs and do not wait on anyone to unburden it out for you and make you feel heard and reassured. 

There's nothing worse not knowing the value of your struggles, your deeper reasons for putting up with others control and mood swings and your lack of awareness of where do you stand in your life, and your conjured images and dialogues about how valid you think you are in voicing your opinions, your assertiveness and staying in a loop of fake consciousness. And I am glad I have begun to understand the tip of this iceberg and as so many realizations melt away the blocks, it's a whole new sense of flow of my energy and perspectives.

My shadows have resisted my inner light and I have allowed for my real self to stay in darkness of my unconsciousness. I have waited for my darkness to go away as if I don't wish to take any responsibility for it and it's on others to understand or empathize and since I was "supposed to" empathize with my mother's mood swings, criticisms, frustrations, I got too tired to take responsibility for my own. Others taking control, involving themselves overly with my life and making me believe that I am powerless like the way my mother did has left a deep impact of self devaluation on me. 

I am recovering from that "over protected" exhaustion and lack of motivation to get involved with my life and learning to embrace life with its unique challenges and also blessings. Because understanding the balance between our inner darkness and light is a beautiful and important step to make deeper connections with ourselves and there's no  better or worse sense of connections that others make with themselves as honoring yourself, your journey, your life experiences matters a lot.