Vel Maaral has been my saviour in more ways than one. It has been the knowledge tool that has kept me protected in the dark of ignorance, pain, distress, and blocks. The Vel or the spear is known to be the breaker of barriers, be it psychological, physical, or any other level possible. So, it's safe to say in short that my life is an answered prayer even if my mind creates doubts, anxiety, fear and so on.
My soul has been placated like how a cranky kid's nerves are calmed down, and that's how I feel when I read it and each day feels like a new interpretation of revelations close to my life.
So, it's not just a loop of Tamizh mantras, but a medicine that cuts through the thick of layers that live entwined within us, and Vel Maaral liberates us from the karmic imprints as we absorb its essence in depth over a period of time. The Vel is the object and the essence in it all that has many functions depending upon the nature of inner demons - it can find its way through to the root of evil within us and bind us to faith and not fear, freeing us thereby to stay afloat and not sink under the weight of our unconsciousness.
The repeat nature of our everyday thoughts, imaginations, assumptions, and external influences makes it look as if we are caught in the web of the mind as it spins so many stories around our life experiences. But to weave a narrative which is free off the stickiness of past programming is a step in the right direction as our lives are woven in the direction that we project today. And I have at many a time looked at external sources of help to help reconcile my past with the present reality and my tendency to stay lost adds challenges of its own. But Vel Maaral has been the awareness creator as it helps me become aware of how far I stray(staying distracted) away from my current situation and how much are my fantasies and day dreaming feeding off off my straying in one topic of interest or another.
So, the focus is not to artificially create a velcro sticky faith to stay stuck on Lord Muruga or his weapon, Vel, but to detach myself from the loops of patterns which don't serve me any good today.
The enemy for me is not some strange looking person or thing on the outside, but the foggy, mystical, fantasizing, free flow of imaginations of my mind which is centered on projecting myself as a strong individual who is almost always trying to be right in her dialogues with others. An inner critic who is strong and simply unrelenting in the many forms it takes up in my mind as if to emphasize my mother's umpteen versions of her disappointments and criticisms on my health no matter how many doctors or how much care she thinks she gave - I could not shut her down then, but through these imaginations and my having the last say in each of those dialogues with her or with others, it's like I am finally getting to do that, but the damage is only on me, through me, like a self inflicting injury to cover the deeper wound within.
I am yet to put to action the reparenting towards gentle self love that I so need to do, but my inner critic is so stuck on proving others wrong that I have truly negated my self growth even if I am painfully aware of the severely limiting aspect of adapting my beautiful, creative imaginations to the loops of criticisms, be it projecting on others or on myself.
It's almost like a judgement, all this inner chatter every day, and drains me off my life energy. I am thankful though for the Vel Maaral has made me straighten my mind out atleast this much with discretion and awareness of my own mind for now because I am not as alone and lost as I used to think I was.
I can choose to better use my imagination and that is to create a new and maybe better reality.
Imagination, intuition, perception, and sensing, deep conversations are all me (my inner strengths) for all along, but since I had so much of my repressed emotions and unexpressed feelings, and walking on egg shells in an emotionally dysfunctional family dominate my reality and my sense of self so much that I could not use my inner strengths in a way that would help manifest my external reality and be authentic to it to the fullest. The goal to be my actualized true self is something that's manifesting gradually as the supportive and assuring Vel Maaral is the weapon that breaks through and slays even invisible enemies as they surface to my reality and makes me better aware of the extent of my distress and helps to release them slowly and be in sync with the now.
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