When the mind is paralyzed with fears of uncertainties, anxieties about how to face them, and worry if everything will turn out alright, then life seems to come to a regular standstill as if being stagnant is a way of life and adapting to it is the only response left to live life.
I have been witness to such a state and it feels sad that I have not participated in living life with the flow but have resisted it through the above response. So much of unlived experiences is also my life but to want to let go all this is my choice and it's a regular thing. There's no how much that lightens the burden but how effective is my surrender to a higher energy and replacing my thought habits with mindfulness, and replacing my activities with a purpose to connect with my core and not just to justify outside expectations.
I do feel guilty that for all the protection and blessings that came my way, I just couldn't channelize it to convert it to opportunities for growth and the result being numbness in every aspect of my life.
What is mind handicap I get it now and it's a very insidious form of pain which makes living look like a mindless exercise instead of being grateful for the life being given to me.
It was my choice again and it's my responsibility to center my thoughts on what I resonate with and be true to it and implement that in action to the best possible levels that I can.
Let the world outside have its own expectations and judgements, but I can do only what is feasible and with as much clarity possible.
As much as I put myself through this stuck pattern of thoughts and actions for quite a while, it's equally my duty to forgive myself for doing this to myself and just release this pain. It's work in progress but I am happy that this is the flow that is opening the thoughts and energies of life possibilities, one day at a time. This is better than not being aware of this handicap at all and blaming others for lack of movement and limitations in my mindset.
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