A Note to the Survivors/children of narcissistic parent(s)

People who feel they are entitled for respect because they have aged, or that they had suffered a lot in their past and hence feel deserving of others respect, and who blame others and not take self responsibility where it warrants are not only emotionally immature but are also narcissists.

For them, their self image is everything and they want that others respect and look upto that image they have in their mind or have projected it onto others minds through skillful interpretation of their emotions and feelings conveniently in order to retain their image. This in turn implies that they have to continue to retain a a sense of  victimhood or herohood wherever possible and not outgrow that as they need to keep people working for them in whatever way they are related to the narcissists.

Everything works and it works for the good of narcissists according to their life experiences. Be it poverty, health issues, relationship issues, they can manipulate it in such a way that they continue to remain the unsung heroes that they don't mind blowing their own trumpets or exaggerating their struggles just to carefully present it in such a way that it is all the others fault and conveniently dodge taking personal responsibility for anything regarding these situations.

And the sons and daughters who are the real victims of such 'heroes' who don't have a choice but to respect such parents for respect's sake as they are never loved for love's sake unconditionally as children. It's a tiring feeling to steer oneself clear from the heavy layers of image building for the children of narcissists as it's complicated to separate their own individual feelings from their parents as children get sucked or drawn into the parents image building activity from childhood, and children are impressionable at that. And even as they grow older they feel helpless some times or feel choiceless but to love their parents(as the parents don't outgrow their self image which they have preserved all along and expect their children to respect that image) and not bring upon any misunderstandings in their relationship with their parents for this reason.

The mirror can only reflect the truth as is but for a narcissist, the mirror of selfhood has their dramatic retelling and reliving of experiences and making others believe in this stuck reflection for years and years. Now, any ounce of criticism or a pointing at truth at their direction that things have not been so bad after all for instance would break this self image of 'victim herohood', and this they will not allow no matter to what great extent they can go to preserve their heroic tales and the standard way to react would be to make people feel guilty for bringing up the truth of their (the narcissist's) immaturity in the present times. 

Narcissists may have crossed many a mile in their lives but the fact that they use others to get to where they want to go and that does not exclude their children is the painful truth and the narcissist's journey in short. To go along in their journey is not a journey of self discovery for the children of narcissists but a journey of getting lost and to understand how far they have come away from themselves is like looking at a lost cause. But to personalize that lost cause by being mindful to it and setting up boundaries wherever possible and going deep within one's life to unravel the uniqueness of being an individual self is the best form of self care that becomes crucial for the survivors or children of narcissistic parents.

All is not lost yet and don't just lose your will to live to the fullest is my reaching out to the children of narcissistic parents.