Spirituality without self transformation is not true spirituality. The essence of the all knowing God who manifests as truth and sweeps one's mind off all the layers that are patterns conditioned by one's past is the all encompassing feeling of being protected from it and becoming embodying of His essence through mind and body. As the presence and inclusion and experiencing God is not an outside experience, it begins to resonate more and more that He is within and that all changes happen from within. One's mind being vulnerable to outside influences, to interrupting thoughts, to distractions from surroundings, from technology, from one's family and so on would just be challenges that come and go but would not feel like they change you or deviate you from your alignment with God - that's the constant despite everyday life situations.
To come to this realization is so self fulfilling and complete by itself that all those situations, memories that made you get stuck to traumatic life experiences from past, differences in expectations from relationships and their disappointments and so on, health challenges, anxieties, worries about future, they all come together but do not have the grip to become cohesive or random knots that seem to block you from within to draw in the essence of your own true self. And so, to be cleaned, flushed, and energized by Muruga's (My life changing God) compassion, His will combined with my surrender to work on healing from within has been like being gifted with a second chance to start living my life all over again.
What is gone is gone, but what remains is the unconditional love to God for all the good things that have happened, and for the not so good and unexpected things that have happened, and the learnings that they have given me is the ability to trust myself that I can keep the faith in Him no matter how life turns out in future - being present with Him as I write this is all that counts.
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