I grew up thinking that I wasn't separate from my mother and that my wellbeing was when she took control of my life, and boy, she did a hell of a job taking control!
I got so stuck on this idea that since she swallowed so much of self pity for doing the birthing under difficult and tragic circumstances by herself without my father by her side and utilizing her frustrations and emotional insecurities to secure emotional support for herself, I really believed that this would be enough for me to grow under - I too believed that in order to get stuff done, you need to sell yourself short so that others sympathy and their humanity could come in handy to make it possible for you. This minimized version of myself had to fit into my mother's stories that she told me over and over while I told myself this story that I need to adapt to limitations, and by that I mean adapting to myself with all my minimized, repressed sense of self. So, that's a story within a story.
It became a habit to look outside of myself for validation and since I never got that fully, I just learnt to survive in a big dysfunctional joint family just dodging people, their intimidating presence, ego centric cold wars, men shouting down their wives and so on and kept myself 'safe' by feeling like the other and that is to completely numb and repress my processing about the people in my family and live depending on my mother's decisions and her obsessions with 'fixing' my health taking me to doctors as soon as I complain of even pains that could be managed at home. My pain resistance and resilience was wrought with anxiety and deep seated mistrust on my willpower and self worth. That was the most prolonged pain that I didn't know I nurtured and just hosted that in my body, my thoughts, consciousness, and made me feel like an outsider to my life.
The real healing, if any, is to feel the pain, release it, let it go fully that I couldn't have gotten everything alright even if I had everything in my control, but the fact that I am giving myself enough rope and less of criticism is a shift in the right direction.
Acceptance of what was and being alive to what is is the best undoing that can happen for me and which when applied day after day is the best way to live growing to your potential and not living in the head in the overall process of discovering the joys of simple living. And simple living means to simply cope up when life isn't fair and be grateful when life is fair, and each of us truly gets what we each deserve whether we really like it or not.
So, all the fuss is only about non acceptance when no amount of coping up makes anything go away but just the fact that acceptance turns the tables around to help face all the blocks that have been brought on due to unrealistic expectations, and the narratives that were spun within your unconscious mind either due to dominating influences which you believed to be true as you just added layers of interpretations through your own thoughts and over time they hardened as your own beliefs. Your own beliefs which may not be good for you when believing in them longer than warranted from the said situations but when practiced like a habit they just spillover festering your consciousness and bringing them into their fold.
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