Muruga - Motherhood Embodied Spirit

 Lord Muruga has been the mother in my life's making. He has been the silent witness and the invisible guide who makes me feel understood and protected whether in the midst of my family, friends or strangers. He is not just an external idea who clicks and then goes back in hiding in my mind's darkness but the reason for my existence and a second chance at staying alive and feeling life in an all new way.

There's so much to share but so little words to make up for his sea of compassion that has kept me afloat no matter what be the ups and downs of the tides of life. 

Where there was bitterness there is gratitude now and so what more can my heart want from this God who is all unconditional love and motherhood embodied in spirit? It's overwhelming sometimes to try to comprehend the depth of his care and support for all those who believe in Him..I do like to think that I am one of the lucky chosen ones to stay close to Him and be a speck of His creation on His feet. 

My yearning to want to belong somewhere, to feel cherished, accepted unconditionally and feel visible all got wiped out gently and eventually as Muruga's divine essence through His songs composed by great Tamizh poets, authors, and spoken by scholarly masters are so interwoven in what I see and hear and feel like a wide and open minded channel to house the Lord in His beautiful images that flash in my mind's eye and also shed light to find my way through the crevices of the caves that I sometimes get lost in. 

What you see is what you get - in mind and in your day to day life support - inexhaustible beauty, kindness, and a vigilant teacher who teaches through your life challenges and the wisdom you start to see and experience through every new challenge which then become a way to see His pattern of testing you and releasing you from the grip of your programmed fears from your past, negative habits, toxic dependencies as His Vel, His lance, pierces through all your layers of blocks that have kept you imprisoned and restless in the shadows of your subconscious mind.

He can see you just as you start seeing Him in all your trials and the means to the problem lies both in you and undoing you through you to lead you to your solutions end if you allow Him, choose Him to do so.

Enmeshment

Enmeshment is a soul sucking phenomenon where the essence of one person gets stuck on the conditioning of the others and hence the 'need' for sustaining this enmeshment as a way of being conditioned and being limited and assuming that that's the truth for oneself is what is called enmeshment - it's like one is nt clear on where one ends and where another person begins. It's a dangerously thin line of selfhood that one has weakly created or drawn only to be surrounded by the otherness of the other person who he/she is enmeshed with.

Self without an idea of the self is like contradicting oneself and living an abstract sense of life where things feel almost real but not quite so. 

Enmeshment is not connectivity with oneself even though aspects of living like earning, nurturing oneself, taking care of family, building on learning and skills, networking with people are felt like they are done but by being disconnected with one's true essence and drawing on energy to facilitate all the above functions through the other and thereby staying enmeshed and not secure as it supposedly feels.

It is in other words practicing staying absorbed with oneself at the cost of not being aware of what it feels being authentic expressing, sharing, and demonstrating life in action in whatever way that be. Living away from oneself is not a great place to be and to expect that others understand and empathize this hollowness of oneself is attracting more misunderstanding than the opposite. 

So, self destructive is also owing to being enmeshed with another person in thought, belief, and even actions at the cost of minimizing one's boundaries, second guessing one's decision making, and getting anxious to take responsibility for oneself, and ultimately stay unconscious of who one is within one's body and mind which is numbing oneself in other words substantially.

 Dark energies are not from outside as much as one makes space for repressing oneself, second guessing one's decisions, feeling anxious and sad for not being able to express and create one's organic version of who he/she is from within. It's not acknowledging that the darkness exists and learning to get comfortable to lying to oneself that the unconsciousness of one's existence and living doesn't hurt one's feelings - in short it's losing one's personal integrity in order to be an ideal package in the eyes of others.

Where there is ignorance about knowing oneself and why they have blocked themselves from feeling hurt, and that's where the shadows outgrow the person's true purpose of living and that is to discover oneself in complete honesty and integrity. Ego can do only so much but depending a lot on it to make one feel secure, accepted, and understood is allowing for being insensitive to oneself and arrogant with others as ego just projects what you want to be but who you are not deep down and helps to fool oneself longer living the ego.